


i'm sorry you had to see that

by damimenhaas (weightedlive)



Series: Oneshots [1]
Category: Smosh
Genre: First Dates, Fluff, M/M, oops we matched on tinder au, pornstar AU, soft shit going down, there are some spicy bits but it's mostly PG honestly, this is self-indulgence at it's finest please enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 00:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weightedlive/pseuds/damimenhaas
Summary: shayne is an actor, quite a famous one at that. it’s just that the movies he’s been in aren’t acceptable to the general public.aka damien matches with a cute guy on tinder and realizes he’s seen some of his films before.





	i'm sorry you had to see that

**Author's Note:**

> came up with this au literally this morning and just ran with it. lowkey inspired by the scene in "every convention ever" where shayne is a pornstar and gus johnson keeps complimenting his acting, but it's mostly from my own brain. hope you enjoy :)  
(ps. if you want to see the tinder profile i made for shayne it's on my tumblr @damimenhaas)

His profile said he was an actor, which wasn’t out of the ordinary for Los Angeles. Damien had seen that hundreds of times, hell, he had listed himself as an actor in his own bio. But there was something familiar about him, maybe they had auditioned for something together.

His bio read: “I promise I’m not a catfish. Looking for the Pam to my Joey. I hope I got that reference right. I haven’t watched Seinfeld in a while.”

It was clever, he had to admit, and Damien let out a quiet chuckle as he read it. He was confused about the catfish part, though. Whoever “Shayne” was, he was clearly attractive, definitely enough to be used for catfish photos. His first image was what looked like a headshot: a slightly overexposed photo (film, maybe?) of him in a blue sweater, squinting into the camera. Damien could just barely see how blue his eyes were, almost unrealistically so. He was not his usual type, but Shayne had matched him first, and he would be lying if he said he had more matches that he could go to if this went south. 

His other pictures were cute too, some of them ironic in a way that showed that Shayne was self-aware of how much of a douchebag he looked like. His second photo was black and white, another professionally done picture where he looked into the distance. He was clearly a well-built guy, not something Damien had any intention of objecting to. He considered what to message him as he returned the match. A short vibration of his phone meant that Shayne had already messaged him. It seemed like he was eager. 

Before he checked the message, Damien swiped to the last picture on Shayne’s profile, at which he dropped his phone onto his lap. It was a shirtless picture, almost an instant turnoff for him. Almost. Shayne was ripped, even more so than Damien thought he would be. As superficial as it was, he would’ve matched with him based on that picture alone. But the reason he dropped his phone was that he had finally realized where he recognized Shayne from. Those abs and biceps had been on his computer screen late at night many,  _ many _ , times, as embarrassing as it was. He wasn’t sure if it was just his mind playing tricks on him, so he did what any sane man would do in this situation, and he opened up PornHub. 

He typed “Shayne” into the search bar, and he clicked the first name that popped up in the suggestions: Shayne Zabo. To his dismay, the thumbnails of the videos proved his intuition correct. The Shayne he had matched with was the same Shayne that starred in classics such as “Ripped Hunk Pounds Twink Ass in Shower” and “Hung Daddy Makes Me Beg for More.” 

Damien stared at his screen for just a moment too long, trying to process the situation. This was a lot of people’s dreams, having a pornstar be interested in them. But it was overwhelming to think about, especially since Damien had just thrown his profile together as a way to pass the time. He knew people could find a real and healthy relationship on dating apps, but his past experiences had not proven to be as fruitful as some of his friends’.

He returned to Shayne’s profile and stared at the message notification at the corner of his screen, a ball of anxiety building in his stomach as the seconds passed. He debated unmatching him altogether, just moving on and closing Tinder for the day. He could try and book another audition, play a video game that had been sitting on his shelf for too long. But another part of his brain told him it was rude to just leave Shayne hanging. And he hated that he was agreeing with it. 

He closed his eyes and opened the message, bracing himself for anything, he wasn’t sure if it was justified or not. When he peeled his eyes open, the message awaiting him actually made him laugh out loud.

** _Shayne: _ ** _ hey, I think a great first date would be swimming in the Labrea tar pits. you in? _

It was a dumb joke, Damien knew that, but it was the perfect match to his sense of humor. He contemplated a response for a few seconds before he typed back.

** _Damien: _ ** _ only if you can guarantee there will be lifeguards. I'm not the best tar pit swimmer. _

Shayne responded immediately.

** _Shayne: _ ** _ don’t worry, I'll bring snorkels.  _

Damien quietly laughed to himself. Some of his anxiety had subsided now, leaving just the normal stress of talking to somebody he was interested in. Although, he wasn’t even certain if he was entirely interested in Shayne. Sure, he was funny, and pretty damn attractive, but the elephant in the room regarding his career was still looming over Damien’s shoulder.

His thoughts were interrupted with another message from Shayne.

** _Shayne: _ ** _ so, you’re an actor. been in anything interesting? _

Ah, the age-old question. Nine times out of ten that would be one of the first things somebody asked him when they matched on a dating app, and nine times out of ten he would give the same answer.

** _Damien:_ ** _ mostly small stuff, a lot of voice acting. but I'm still looking for more opportunities.  _

** _Shayne: _ ** _ I hear that. I'm with a pretty decent agency right now, but I don't know if it’s the right path for me, y’know? _

That was partially relieving. Damien respected porn actors, it was work that took up a lot of time and reached a pretty large audience. But he wasn’t sure if he would be ready to date somebody who did porn for a living. Call him old fashioned, but he wasn’t into ‘sharing’ his partners with anybody else. 

** _Damien: _ ** _ I get that all too well. It’s hard to find the right fit for you, but I’m sure it’ll come soon :) _

** _Shayne: _ ** _ thanks man, that’s sweet _

Damien smiled at the message. Shayne was nice, and he was already feeling a bit of a connection between the two of them. He didn’t want to jump the gun, especially with somebody he was a little unsure about, but with each message, he felt more inclined to take Shayne up on his tar pits snorkel date.

** _Shayne: _ ** _ okay, item one on the “how to start a conversation with a tinder match” list is complete. diverting from that, your bio said you like video games. what are your favorites? _

Damien tried to contain his response, but he knew he couldn’t once he had gotten to the fifth sentence. 

** _Damien:_ ** _ okay I have so many, it’s kind of hard to narrow down. I love the classic stuff. legend of zelda was my go-to as a kid. but my favorites are always the RPGs. skyrim, bloodborne, those kinds of games are so immersive that I get sucked into the world while I play them. the dark souls series is probably my #1 favorite of all time though. I could play it over and over again and not get bored. _

Shayne didn’t respond as quickly this time, and Damien immediately started to wonder if he had come on too strong. He didn’t want to scare Shayne off, so he sent a quick follow-up to his spiel.

** _Damien: _ ** _ sorry about that, I nerd out a bit too much sometimes. do you have any favorite games? _

** _Shayne: _ ** _ no worries, i do the same thing. it’s cute to see you do it. _

** _Shayne: _ ** _ i like almost the exact same stuff actually. skyrim and the loz series are my top two. I've heard really good things about dark souls but I'm not a huge fan of scary games. _

Damien laughed at that. But he reread when Shayne called him cute, and he couldn’t dismiss the small smile that started to spread across his face. 

** _Damien: _ ** _ okay, dark souls is not a horror game. it’s not even that scary! if you could play skyrim, you can play dark souls no problem. _

** _Shayne: _ ** _ you underestimate how easily scared i get. but I think if you were there while I played, it wouldn’t be as scary. _

Even though Shayne couldn’t see him, Damien hid his blushing face into his shoulder. That was a pretty smooth line, and he was completely on board with a video gaming date. Hell, that was probably his ideal first date. He couldn’t pass up that opportunity.

** _Damien: _ ** _ I am 100% down for that. I promise I won't backseat game (too much ;)) _

The winky face was a stupid touch, but he was feeling good about this, so why the hell not?

** _Shayne: _ ** _ are you free this weekend? _

** _Damien: _ ** _ completely _

** _Shayne: _ ** _ perfect. it’s a date. would you mind if I came over to yours? _

** _Damien: _ ** _ not at all. I'll send you the address. _

Damien was giddy with excitement. This all seemed almost too good to be true, and it kind of was, when he thought about it. A funny, attractive guy who shared his taste in video games and went along with his jokes? It was like a match made in heaven. He might have to apologize to his friends who he had dissed Tinder to if all of this worked out. He was excited for this weekend, but there was still a part of him that was nervous about Shayne’s career. He had no idea what to say if it came up in conversation, and he definitely didn’t want to be the one who brought it up. That would be a swift end to any potential they had built up in their relationship. He didn’t want that to happen. So he decided to leave it up to fate as to what would happen when they met up. He hoped it would be kind to him.

* * *

In anticipation for their date on Saturday, Damien took it upon himself to do a bit of ‘research’ on Shayne before they met up. By a bit of research, it meant that he had watched almost every video he could find that had Shayne in it. He wasn’t particularly proud of it, but he was human. He had flaws. And he would be lying if he didn’t have a good time doing it. He wasn’t one to put out on the first date, but he didn’t know if he would object if Shayne started to get handsy with him.

Saturday morning Damien spent most of his time cleaning his apartment to look somewhat presentable for a guest. He even tidied up his bedroom, something he usually did only when he knew he would be using it for nefarious purposes. 

When he heard Shayne knock on his door he had a silent heart attack in his kitchen before he walked over and answered the door.

Shayne was shorter in person than Damien thought he would be, even though Shayne had made plenty of jokes about his height over the past few days of them talking. He wore the blue sweatshirt that he was wearing in the picture on his profile and smiled brightly when Damien opened the door.

“Hey.” He said. 

“Hey. Um, come in.” Damien stammered. His voice shook ever so slightly and he mentally slapped himself for overreacting. It was going to be fine, he told himself. There’s nothing to worry about.

“You can take a seat on the couch. I’ll pull up the game. It’ll take a bit to boot up so we’re not going straight into boom! Play a video game.” Shayne nodded and sat on the couch, crossing his hands in his lap like a child. It was cute.

Damien settled next to him as he turned on his PlayStation.

“You have a nice place.” Shayne said. He looked around the room before his eyes landed on Damien.

“Thanks,” He said. “You have any trouble finding it?”

Shayne shook his head. “No, the directions you gave were really helpful.”

“That’s good to hear.” Damien smiled. The console whirred with power and the logo flashed on the screen. Damien scrolled to the Dark Souls icon and pressed play, the screen going dark as the credits opened up.

“Damien?” Damien turned to Shayne, who looked surprisingly nervous. Damien furrowed his eyebrows together in concern.

“What’s up?” Shayne pursed his lips.

“It’s kind of dumb, but I just wanna rip the band-aid off before anything else happens.”

Damien could infer where this was going, but he knew better than to interrupt when Shayne was talking. He nodded for him to continue.

“I haven’t really been fully honest with you. I’ve dodged the question enough times that I know it’s kind of sketchy, I just didn’t want to weird you out.” He let out a quick sigh. “Okay, here it goes.”

“When I say I’m an actor, I mean I’m a… porn actor. I know it’s kinda weird and taboo, but it’s what I do. I’m not ashamed of it. I just didn’t think it would be a great thing to bring up when we were first messaging, y’know?”

Damien nodded. He bit his lip to stop himself from smiling.

“Oh god, I hope I didn’t just freak you out. It’s okay if you take a second, I get it.”

Damien stifled a laugh. “Shayne, it’s fine.”

Shayne’s eyes widened. “It is? Well, that’s a relief.” They laughed softly together for a moment before Damien continued.

“It’s fine because… I sort of already knew?” 

Shayne looked horrified now, blue eyes wide with fear. 

“Jesus, did somebody tell you? Or did you find it on your own? Oh my god, what did you see?” 

“No, no, nothing like that,” Damien said. He considered his words for a second before he went on. He wanted to be honest with Shayne, but he could already feel his face growing hot from embarrassment.

“I, uh… I had already… seen some of your stuff before you messaged me.” His voice jumped in pitch towards the end of his statement. Damien offered an awkward smile to Shayne, who desperately looked like he needed it.

“Oh…” Shayne said. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” 

“You don’t have to apologize! It’s fine! I promise it’s totally cool. I didn’t want to make it weird either. I think you’re a cool dude, and I didn’t want to seem like a creep or anything.”

Shayne nodded, and Damien noticed that his ears were turning pink too. “I get it. I guess I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” He laughed to himself, then looked up at Damien. “Did you like what you saw?” He flicked his eyebrows and Damien let out a laugh. He knew his face was almost completely red now, but there was no use hiding from it.

“It wasn’t bad. Might need to see it in person to get an informed opinion.” They both laughed at that, looking down at their laps with their faces hot.

“So…” Shayne said, his eyes flicked up to meet Damien’s. “You wanna play some Dark Souls?”

Damien smiled back. “Definitely.”

Shayne had been right, he was easily scared. But he got the hang of the game quickly, and Damien was encouraging him through each enemy encounter. They had only been playing for less than an hour when Damien realized that Shayne was leaning into his side, and his arm was around Shayne. He smiled to himself as he watched Shayne cut through a boss with a quick button combination. He could get used to this.


End file.
